3rd Tier Concerns
If I’m in a coma for 2 years, shouldn’t I worry about why I’m in the coma rather than worry about someone trimming my nose hairs, but do you think someone would trim my nose hairs? What about those white hairs that sprout randomly near the jawline - the translucent, wiry ones? Could those translucent, wiry hairs be used to make a toothbrush? For a dog? Do you know our vet recommended we brush our dog’s teeth? What the fuck? As if.
If I let a single chin hair grow an inch long and then I coated it with bacon fat before planting it, what are the chances that it grows into a giant savory hair?
If I let my hands get dry enough, do you think I could use them to make cricket sounds?
If a man thought that these kinds of hypotheticals made a woman sound vulgar and therefore unattractive, is that man basically a green banana wearing a toupee of raccoon pubes? Should you date him because he’s super cute and he’ll get over it?
Has anyone ever surgically un-gummied their weenus? Would it look cool pierced? Would a chain look cool from the right earlobe to the right weenus?
If you’re not dealing with excruciating neuropathy but you’re resistant to clipping your toenails, does that mean you’re an ogre? What if you don’t have neuropathy, you don’t clip your toenails, and you live under a bridge?
Do you wonder, when your heart skips a beat, if it was hopping over something, like dog shit on a sidewalk? Or gingerly stepping over one of those squirrels that’s grimacing and bleeding from the mouth and everyone says aww must have gotten electrocuted when crossing from one telephone pole to another. Do you think that’s even what happened?
If you rub yourself down with oil and lay in a tanning booth, do you ever picture an oven set to broil? A 30 lb turkey? Does it make you hungry, if you think of that? What would be the stuffing?
When you hug someone, have you ever accidentally absorbed them? Did you smell different after?
When your eye twitches, do you think your eyelid is dreaming of chasing a rabbit?
When your stomach growls, do you talk back in its language? Have you ever said to your stomach grbbbbwrrbbgghh dunno ttbbbb, maybe later? What did it say back? Did it make you laugh?
Do you think people purposefully avoid naming their patellas?
If coffee makes your breath bad, what do you think your breath does to the coffee?
Just curious.