The Muse Is Not Visiting
The Muse is not visiting because she is dealing with a fibroid the size of a melon and a $5,000 deductible, so she is at home Netflixing and hemorrhaging.
The Muse is not visiting because she totally spaced it, though she did remember to get weed and sesame bagels, lol.
The Muse is not visiting because she is convinced she is dying and there’s a six month waitlist for a PCP who will eventually diagnose her with generalized anxiety and tell her she needs to lose weight even though that is not the cause of her anxiety.
The Muse is not visiting because at this point she’s only staying alive for her cat.
The Muse is not visiting because she is caretaking for her sick father-in-law and two school-age children, and on the weekends her husband needs to unwind since he works so hard.
The Muse is not visiting because she is a single mom and they canceled school again.
The Muse is not visiting because your balls are uncommonly hairy and she heard you say “mama” in your sleep.
The Muse is not visiting because she’s hiding in the bathroom, sexting your wife.
The Muse is not visiting because ever since the corners of her mouth began to wrinkle, she was told she could no longer be a Muse.
The Muse is not visiting because she cannot stop reading about climate change and is pinned to dread like a bug to a Styrofoam board.
The Muse is not visiting because they’re recovering from top surgery and just doing bone broth and Jello right now.
The Muse is not visiting because the stairs will creak and wake the baby, who never sleeps, so she’s in bed reading about sourdough again.
The Muse is not visiting because her boyfriend said no.
The Muse is not visiting because she realized that rage-cleaning can put her into an ecstatic state.
The Muse is not visiting because she is making her way through a stack of books about how coverture remains undead.
The Muse is not visiting because she’s working on outsourcing lightning strikes of grand inspiration to a team of gifted drag queens.
The Muse is not visiting because she’s busy being an inspiration to herself, gathering her lime green hair into many tight buns and securing mini-Koosh balls to the laces of her platform sneakers in preparation for a Bjork concert.
The Muse is not visiting because every single man in this establishment interrupts.
The Muse is not visiting because she has retired and is now part of a growing group of retired Muses who donate their time to help young Muses leave the performative business of being young, naked, and demure in an attempt to spark an idea in some old dude whose artistic ennui is inversely proportional to his ability to get it up for women his age.
The Muse is not visiting because she and the other eight Muses, lead by Calliope, have decided that they will no longer engage in the unpaid labor of inspiration. It’s been 2500 years and they done.