Meme Poem

sorry how i acted when there were multiple noises happening at the same time

was the meme shared by my most prodigious meme-harvesting friend

which I saved to my phone before returning to scroll and accidentally

landing on an enthusiastic ad for full-body deodorant with volume

maxed which sent my heart galloping and blood rushing

causing me to close my eyes in order to engage the breathing I do

to calm the fuck down vagally-speaking when the shower started

and the pipes shuddered and my daughter broke into song

‘World Burn’ from the musical ‘Mean Girls’ which is a song

with incredibly high notes she can’t quite hit but she reaches

with such conviction the walls buzz making my husband convulse

with worry that she’ll damage her vocal chords to which I snap

jesuschillshewillbefine recalling how I’d become apoplectic as a kid

when my brother switched the tv station from DuckTales to WWF

and body slammed all attempts at liberating the remote and look at me baby

I’m fine I’m fucking great I tell my husband who eyes me suspiciously

since my voice cracks the moment I attempt to lift it in song but he shuffles

away to another room to chill out by picking an old folk tune on the mandolin

which is an impossible instrument impossible to play impossible to ignore

and the impossible instrument he practices multiple times a day a particular tune

by Chris Thile who is eye-gougingly irritating and now I’m reminded of when

Thile took over for Keillor on Prairie Home I almost drove my car off the road

sailed it over the edge oh my god anyone but him and his pompous hairline

and in the center of this sonic chaos my body begins to quiver at a frequency faster

than any vibrator I’ve ever owned which is a thought that elicits the sound

brrzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzrr and suddenly I picture myself as a giant dildo

crashing around the kitchen like the dildo is human-sized with two feet

in roller skates and vibe maxed and this tube of veined flesh is flying into things

and breaking dishes which makes me think of a friend of mine who got so mad

at her girlfriend she gathered all of her vibrators and turned them on high

and tossed them in the claw foot tub which made such a racket that her girlfriend

cried out and in response she climbed into her truck and sped away cackling

like a patchouli witch with all the chargers stuffed in her canvas duffel

which makes me realize I should avoid washing knives for now

and instead flip on the garbage disposal to deal with the fruit flies

and after that I will organize the cabinet with the pots and pans

and stake my flag in this hellscape of noise which I’ll miss

with unequivocable desperation I’m told by two different women

whose irises went from blue to grey when things got quiet